Friday, March 16, 2007

Of Marriage and Men

As i had said in the first blog, i'll be adding my previous blogs from other sites to this. This is the first one in the list. I had originally published this on 6th February, 2006. Happy reading!!! :-)

Of Marriage and Men
In the 6 months starting December 2005, there are a total of half a dozen marriages (and a few more that i cannot recall at the moment). I'm saying this of the guys in my batch (or a couple of years senior or junior). My point is all my friends are getting married. and though i'm not particularly adverse to the idea, i still cannot reconcile to the fact that all those guys, who first wouldn't have anything to do with girls and later would leer at them to make Jack the ripper cringe, are married or close to it.

We were a bunch of motley crew in college. After that, though we all went our separate ways, we still managed to stay in touch. Well, some more than others atleast! We were normal (atleast we like to think so!) during our college days. Did all the leering and maybe more during the initial days. First we wouldn't like anything to do with girls, infact the unfortunate few who dared to talk to the opposite sex, were treated like untouchables, or atleast like the frightened puppy who everyone wanted to kick. Later, we started drooling at the sight of girls, and then girls wouldn't have anything to do with us. So all we could do is keep talking about them. not talk to them, mind you; just about them.
Later, after we realized that this isn't going to get us in their good books (even on the last page), we mellowed down. Slowly. girls decided that we weren't going to eat them up, and dared to be friends. Actually it was more a sort of symbiotic relationship. They'd finish their journals on time and then loan it to us, and in return we'd keep our comments about them to the minimum. Most of us succeeded in that. And slowly they got bolder, and after seeing that we have lost the fine art of passing comments, they decided to reverse the situation. And believe me, when a bunch of girls get together to fire barbs at poor guys, we have nowhere to hide. In that situation, even hell would be a welcome respite!

Then suddenly one day, college was over. Just like that. I mean, we were all expecting it, and after the gruelling exams, even hoping for it, but not really prepared for it. One day, we are all busy pouring over our notes, books, xeroxed pages, trying to cram as much as we can in 1 day, and the next day, after the last exam, the college is over. All those classmates who we saw 6 days a week for 4 years (well most of them anyways) were suddenly gone out of our lives. And most of them probably won't remember me, or i won't remember them. They are gone, part of a chapter that has been closed for ever. But some friendships lingered on, for better or for worse. These were the girls and boys, with whom we have laughed and cried (or made them (girls and boys) cry) and traded barbs, shared notes, shared dreams.

Soon most of them will be married. Almost all the girls, and a few boys as well. Now those guys and girls, are going to be husbands and wifes. Miyan-biwi, pati-patni. And those guys, who couldn't remember to wash the dirty laundry, and would wear the socks inside out rather than fish for new ones, would be going to bed thinking where they have kept the last tax receipt and how costly the cleaning maid are, or even how the prices of onions are going through the roof. In a few years, they'll be thinking how much a baby cereal will cost, and how much they'll have to save incase they need to put the kid through college.

My point is (i know i go off on irrelevant tangents) after marriage we will be taking on responsibilities, that we didn't even dream of, even in our worst nightmares. Infact now the nightmares themselves are taking on a different shade. A lost receipt in a dream will make us lose more sweat than a 5 set match of tennis.

The most incomprehensible part is that its all ad-libbed. No books, no courses, no college on these things. We are just expected to know what to do. I say this for guys and girls. After marriage, the guy is expected to be responsible. Even if a day before he couldn't find his car keys, it was ok, expected; but now he should know where he kept that singing competition certificate (3rd position) that he won when he was 10 years old, and the only reason he won was that the 4th and the last guy was having a bad case of sore throat. The girls, on the other hand, are slightly better prepared. They have been playing with their barbie dolls, long enough to know how the kitchen should be kept, how the clothes should be ironed. Talking of ironing, heres an anecdote:
Once as i was ironing my pants during college, my sister asked me,
'Do you know why it is called a press?'
I said, 'No'
'That is because you are supposed to PRESS the pants'
'Oh'
Thats how bad i am. I admit it, infact i'm even proud of it. The girls are well, prepared.

On the question whom marriage hits harder, girls or boys; the answer is obvious: Guys! No more bear parties (I don't like it, alcohol is bad for your health, etc...), no more late nights (why do you need to stay out when i'm sitting at home?), no more sports (its sport not religion), no more 'Die hard' movies (how can you even watch that crap?).

Then, as we are slowly reconciling to the fact that we won't ever have fun again, and this is how life is going to be for the rest of our lives, it suddenly changes. A baby is on the way. As if marriage hadn't spoilt everything good, now we have to put up with a baby. And the problem with babies, well for starters, they are babies. Why can't the stork just bring a 25year old guy with his own apartment and has an interest in sports, drinks beer? And since i'm already asking for the impossible, how about a guy with his own palace, and enough money to buy Bill Gates and Larry Ellison together?

Now, the babies are smelly, they arn't toilet trained, they can't stop crying, they are major pain in the neck. As they grow older, they want to do things their way, eat the food from the floor rather than from the plate (it tastes better that way, they say), and just when we are licking our boss's ass for that big promotion, he repeats our words verbatim from the other day as to how that guy is the sole reason for the company going down the dumps (he even recites some of the more colorful description that we had used)! If he were a 25 year old, I could atleast strangle him, but now all I can do is wonder whether I am dying of a heart attack, then realize that I am not and then wish that I'd die of a heart attack!

I'm sufficiently put off marriage after writing this. The guys who arn't yet married, i hope you are too. And the guys who are married, well it was nice knowing you. I'm sure, you'll be rueing your decision sooner rather than later.

To the girls who are reading this, i have just one defense: i wasn't in my senses when i wrote this. So incase you had, at somepoint decided that you could marry me, then please do not be hasty and put that thought aside yet. I can iron my clothes, cook decently and do the dishes, and even clean the house! whatsay to that?

Cheers!

'Shaadi woh laddu hai to khaye woh pachtaye, jo na khaye woh pachtaye'
(Marriage is that sweet, which whether we have it or not, we'll always regret!)
(This goes for men only!)


1 comment:

Nishant said...

hey..that was nice..would love to read a new blog by you as this blog is more than a year old and more importantly u r going to have that "laddu" with all arms open in a few days time.