On a roller-coaster

I’m here after a very very long time. A lot of things have happened since the last post. We have named our baby Rajat. It means Silver in Sanskrit. Also, I have since moved to Chennai. I left Samsung after 7 years, and joined Cisco at their Set Top Box division in Chennai.

(On a tangential note: I had written a big blog about my experiences in Samsung. Unfortunately, my PC – Windows 7 – crashed, and took the C drive data with it… I was lucky to recover my E and F drives. Those contained all my photos, songs, and other very very important stuff!)

Leaving Bangalore after 7 years, that too after I bought my own apartment was a very tough decision. I doubt I would’ve changed the city had it been just any other company. But lure of Cisco was too great (So was the lure of the lucre). So now I’m in Chennai. Its April, and the summer has started in all earnest.

Ok, enough of that! I meant this post to be about parenting. If any of you are expecting any tips, then you have come to the wrong place… I still am blundering along, learning new things every day.

Rajat is close to 1 year now (will be an year old on 20th April 2011). He has started making those cute baby sounds, crawling, tearing up any paper that he can lay his tiny hands on, stuffing his mouth with everything that he should not, trying to stand up, crawling out the front door on his own, climbing upon the tables, making a mess in the house, peeing and shitting all over the place, falling down and crying and doing the same thing again! In short, he’s trying his level best to be as much trouble as Rupali and I can handle together!

Each day is an adventure for him. As much as it is for us. I feel that a baby should be allowed to explore as much as he can on his own. I let him go behind the table, near the TV, near the telephone, open the almirahs, remove various objects like boxes, containers, tubes, packets, etc… from them. For Rajat, everything is an interesting object worth scrutinizing. He observes it from the top, then bottom, in one hand and then the other, from the left, from the right, then smells it, tastes it, listens to its sound, feels its complete texture, then finally when he’s done with that, tries to eat it. If he can get some part of it in his mouth comfortably, then its his favorite object. Here is a note to baby toys manufacturers – all toys should have one part that a baby can safely stuff in his mouth and preferably that part should taste like cherries (or orange, or mango. I’m not too particular about it!) Then see that toy fly off the shelves before you can sing “Twinkle Twinkle little star”.

And now for something completely different…

I remember a fable (a Chinese one I think) I read long back, but not the entire story, just the gist:

A man was walking in a garden one day, when he came across a caterpillar cocoon. As he was watching, the cocoon started shaking. Then it broke from one end, and a butterfly started to come out. The butterfly was struggling, trying to break free from its silky prison. The man watched it struggle for a long time. Finally he took pity on the butterfly and decided to help it. He cut the cocoon so that the butterfly could come out.

The butterfly spread its wings, and started to fly. But soon, it collapsed and fell down. The wings of the butterfly weren’t strong enough for the butterfly to sustain it.

There is a reason why butterflies must struggle to come out of its cocoon. The struggle makes the wings strong, so that they can flutter tirelessly from flower to flower, collecting the nectar. In helping the butterfly and cutting the cocoon for it, the man denied that struggle to the butterfly, thus weakening its wings.

That is the rule of Nature. We all must struggle so that our wings become strong.

Rupali and I are facing the dilemma now – how much struggle is enough to make him strong.

Fatherhood has started!

The baby is now 10 days old. I’m learning to be a father – not even a good one, but just enough to take care of the child properly. Rupali was discharged from the hospital in 3 days. I wasn’t there for the night in those 3 days. So I would just see the baby during the day, when his crying and feeding and pooping seemed normal.

The first night after we got him home, we stayed up for more than half the night, Rupali feeding him, and me trying to get him to sleep again. The next night, same routine! Now I’m realizing that people never exaggerated about the trials of raising a child, especially in the first 1 year.

Baby cries. Baby sleeps. Baby feeds. Baby poops. Mostly, baby cries. Sometimes, and I didn’t think it was possible till I saw it, baby does all of it at the same time!

Before becoming a dad, i used to stay away from babies, especially if they have no control over their pooping! But now, I can’t wait to take my child in my hands. Rupali keeps scolding me “Let him sleep”, “Let him feed”, “wash your hands, legs, face, stomach, chest, etc… before you dare touch him”. (I feel she’s acting like a mother tigress – growls whenever a tiger comes near her cubs!)

How am I feeling after becoming a dad? Can’t really say! The first time I saw the the baby coming out of the operation theatre, that ugly looking thing – the most beautiful sight in the world, I couldn’t help but feel a overwhelming happiness. I shed a few tears as well. Choked up when I was giving the good news to our parents. After 10 days, the happiness is still there. But there is also a sense of wonder – the baby keeps doing something new everyday.

Keep checking the pictures for more pictures of the baby.

Saala main to baap ban gaya!!!

Saala main to baap ban gaya!

Baap ban ke kaisa tan gaya!

(with due apologies to the original lyricist).

Good news from my side – Rupali gave birth to a baby boy on April 20, 2010 (a Tuesday). Both mother and the baby are doing fine. The father, on the other hand, is terrified, petrified, scared at the prospect of raising a kid. Most of the people I meet have a serious opinion that I need raising myself!

I’ve never been more scared in my life. My wife doesn’t let me handle the china most of the times, lest I break it. And babies are infinitely more delicate and precious. How am I supposed to handle them? I am careless, lazy, and with an attention span of an amoeba. All these qualities make me the unlikeliest person to take care of a baby. But now I have a baby of my own. Any hints, advices, suggestions, tips and tricks to take care of a baby are welcome. The other day when I was in a grocery store, a lady with 4-5 yr old daughter was ahead of me at the checkout counter. Like all kids, the girl was throwing a tantrum. I mentioned to the lady, I’m just observing how you are handling the kid, as I have one on the way. All she said was “Best of luck!” Rupali, though, will make a great mom; she is full of love most of the time, and stern when needed to be. I can’t be stern. Whenever I try to be, I end up looking like a clown, and that encourages the kids to get into more trouble.

3 years ago, when I was getting married, I thought I was going into an unknown territory. But compared to what I feel now, that seems like a walk in the park. The baby looks small, but is more than a handful. A day earlier, he was bent on crying. And now matter what we tried, he just wouldn’t stop. I’m getting a taste of all the stories that my friends told me. One of them told me that I will keep wondering “how can such a small thing cry so much?”

I’m also at the other end of the spectrum at the same time. The lilies look whiter, bougainvillea look pinker, roses are more perfumed, birds are chirpier... The romance of taking care of the baby, observing him every minute I’m there with him, every little movement, every little sound from his small, pink lips, every furrowing of the eyebrows, everything is exciting. Even the way he cries is cute – no sound could be more melodious. (Of course, when the crying starts at 3am, I’ll probably feel a lot different).

I could’ve written a succinct blog, informing that I’ve become a father. But even this long post doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel. Every day I will discover something new; not all of it may be pleasant. But all of it is fun.

For more photos, check First Baby Pictures. Also check this video if you are interested in seeing the baby cry.

Rest of my life starts soon

Today i write a blog that is long in coming. Its an announcement about my marriage. For the uninitiated, i got engaged to Rupali on 18th February 2007. And on 10th of May, after around 3 months, i'm getting married to her!

The scanned images of the invite have been uploaded on my Picasa pics page (the 'Marriage Invitation' ablum).

I have been engaged for just over 2 months now. And in another 2-3 weeks, i'll be married. The talk time with Rupali has increased a lot, though after a few sleepless nites (and sleepy days after those nites) of talking, now we break the chat over the course of the whole day. The talk has taken a different sense of comfort level. Initially we both would try to impress each other, sometimes knowingly, and sometimes, unknowingly. She'd tell me about her culinary skills, and i'd brag that even i know how to cook! (goes without saying that all i can actually do is light the stove!)

Though we still do a bit of impressing now and then (i don't think that'll ever stop), now we are more comfortable knowing that the person on the other end of the line really wants to talk to us. The initial excitement about just talking has given way to this comfort feeling.

Anyway, coming back to the point, i'm engaged for over 2 months. So far the feeling that i'm going to lose all the 'freedom' of bachelorhood has not yet hit me. I suspect, it'll probably hit during the actual marriage, around the 3rd 'phera' around the fire to be exact. My steps may falter. I may look at the 'Exit' sign with increasing longing. But i think i'll make it through the ceremony alrite, unscathed, in 1 piece, alive (if not kicking), atleast for now.

Then starts the unpredictable, difficult, strange, unknown but also, i suspect, a very beautiful part of life. Living with someone who cares about me a lot, fusses over the smallest things, cooks with a lot of love for me, etc... In a nutshell, she'll pamper me a lot, and lets face it, i love being pampered!

Let me quote an oft quoted quote from 'When Harry met Sally': "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

I want my life with Rupali to start just as soon!

The lessons learnt...

I had written this post long back. Must've been over 4 months now. But didn't post it, don't know why i didn't. Today i revisited the article again, and it seemed good! So here it is. I hope you think so too.

One of the news in November '06 was about the death of a Hollywood director, Robert Altman. Even though i don't remember seeing any of his movies, he did have some impact on me, through the serial M*A*S*H*. Altman had directed the movie M*A*S*H* (his first hollywood hit), and the serial was a derivative of that. And he had set most of the tone of the serial.

Way back in 1993, when we finally got cable at our place (after much cajoling!), the M*A*S*H* reruns were being broadcasted on STAR TV. The serial was about a army medical unit stationed in Korea during the Korean war. Now back then, i hadn't even heard of korean war, and had heard something about Vietnam, but i liked the serial, and slowly it began to grow on me. I used to book my slot in the evening to watch it, and no one else is allowed to watch anything else at that time.

I think what i liked about the serial was the fact that they used to have a nice balance of the fun and work. The surgeons, when not in surgery (sometimes even during it) used to spend time playing pranks. But they really worked hard at saving the lives, and feeling hopeless when someone died... i guess it was a lot like life. Sometimes things don't necessarily work out the way you want them too...

Perhaps, many of my friends will not be able to relate to my liking these serials. Call me a sentimentalist, but i used to like the light comedy serials that did not take itself too seriously, and the viewer wouldn't either. I also liked serials that aren't in a rush to finish, but used to take a slow meandering path. Now, don't go thinking that i also like the 'saas-bahu' serials. I don't! i vehemently hate them. They don't go anywhere, they have no sense. Anyway, to get back to the main topic, these serials always had a bit of life thrust in them. MASH, Wonder Years, even Doogie Howser M.D.! Ofcourse if i watch them again today, perhaps i'll like the feeling of nostalgia that i'll get, rather than the serials themselves.

When we are in our teens, the little advices that are present in these serials seem like a big philosophical discourse to us. We think that hey its such a profound statement that Doogie is typing in his computer (a pre-pentium piece, that now we'd see only in museums, or the railways booking counter!). As we grow up, the statements seem a hackneyed. But even today, perhaps i'll ask a teenager to watch them, because at that age it is a big philosophy. For me they have been a learning experience... about friendship, school, heartaches and heartbreaks, even a crush that we had. Sometimes they tackled some heavy topics, such as death, revenge, jealousy! These serials taught me a little about the difference between right and wrong, and also that sometimes there is little difference between the two.

I'm not claiming that i am a know-all, and certainly don't claim that whatever i have learnt, is from those serials. I am what all my learnings have made me. My teachers have been at home, in school, in the playground, in the books, the TV, the movies, my friends, and countless others. An ant teaches me persistence, my dog teaches me ... actually nothing, but he's fun to be around with! He's not even loyal; he'd go with whoever is ready to take him for a walk, and roll on the floor for whoever is offering him a bone, or sweet!

Another point, i know i'm biased towards english serials, but there have been a few good hindi serials as well. The one that i really used to like is a very old serial 'Neev' in the late 80s. I don't know how many people still remember that. But, i liked it. It was about a boarding school, and the teachers, and the students. I think that serial even so long back, made more sense than all the K-serials put together in this age!

I don't know why i have written this post. I suppose i'm just getting a bit nostalgic about the days gone by... the wonder years!

Falling in love!

I'm back with an older blog. But this is not so old as i had written this originally on March 4, 2007. This piece is about my engagement. Now if you have read my blog on Marriage, you will know how terrified i must've been initially over the prospect of getting married. Men, to be put simply, are just not made for marriages. They hate it. Given a chance, men would rather be stuck in a beer bar with a dumb 18-year old girl hanging besides him like he is the best thing since sliced bread! But, that doesn't happen, except maybe in fantasies. Even a 90 year sterile man will have the same fantasy.

Anyway, to get back to my article, i'm engaged. And here is how it all began:



18th February 2007, a Sunday! A very important day for me. That is the day i got engaged to Rupali (née Ridhurkar).

Here is the mail i had sent to everyone to announce the news of my betrothal with Rupali (its in my usual inimitable style, which everyone loves! ):

Hi Everyone,

I know i have been dormant for quite some time, except for a cursory wishes mail now and then. I've been busy! well not exactly. but its an image i like to cultivate. Anyway, i'm now writing this mail for i have a bigger news than Relativity theory, atomic bomb, Newton's invention of gravity and Eli Whitney and his cotton gin.

The news is: I'm getting married. But before that I'm getting engaged. ("obviously! !!", i can hear some of you snigger). And before you all go "Poor, poor little girl!", let me say this - she got herself into this mess... there was no force or coercion. just a slight twisting of arm, as her chiropractor can testify. There you are. Isn't it a big news? OK, may not be as big as Eli Whitney and his cotton gin, but compared to the other three, it definitely is... i mean, now I'll have more relatives (as if there weren't enuf already), so that beats the relativity theory. And compared to marriage, an atomic bomb is a water pistol. Also, Newton theorized that it is gravity that attracts one body towards another; i have discovered a stronger attractive force!

Now go ahead, take pity on her. in fact i also pity her. Imagine having to spend all her life with me! heck, even i can't live with me all my life! Thankfully the feeling of pity doesn't last long.

Now, some background info:
My name is Paritosh. I did my B.E. in 2000 from RKNEC, and i joined... oh, you want info abt her? why? so that you can go and warn her before the inevitable happens? I don't think so!!!

Nonetheless, here's her info:
Her name is Rupali, and she's from Wardha. Did her B.E. in Electronics and Telecom from Sevagram, same place that a certain Mr.Gandhi had pitched his tents at.

I have her photo, but i won't send it, as i don't want you rushing to her place to keep her from taking a foolish step. Ok, so i don't have her pic, but i hate to admit that! I have my pics, so if you want, i can send those!

There you are, i have given a shocker of a news. No news can get any bigger than this, maybe one of you will come up with something in a few months, but other than that, i seriously can't think of anything bigger.

The engagement is fixed for February the 18th, a few days after valentines day! its a Sunday, so that rules out all your excuses that u have work to do. the ones not in a radius of 2000 kms are excused from the engagement. When i can take some time out for my engagement, i'm sure so can u!

The marriage is set in May. I'll be sending a longer mail for the marriage invitation later.

For the rest, i'm fine. Actually i'm scared, terrified, petrified, horrified, alarmed. But most of all, i'm still bewildered. I still stand by my principal principle that men aren't made for marriages. Poor poor little girls!!!

cheers,
Paritosh

So there is basic info about Rupali in that mail, where she's from, her education, etc... What i havn't yet written in this mail is how it all started. And i intend to put that here today.

Uptil now i still hadn't found a girl for myself, and my parents like all indian parents had started worrying whether i will ever get married. So finally they took the last recourse of looking a suitable match for me themselves. In a nutshell, i was going for an arranged marriage! So during Diwali of 2006, i saw a couple of girls, but if i liked one, my folks didn't; and if my folks liked one, i didn't! there was one that no one liked!!! but none that everyone liked! Then i got back to bangalore, back to work!

I was in South Korea all of november and few days of December 2006. During my brief stint there, i got the news that my parents had visited a new girl in Wardha (a town close to nagpur). My mom told me that she had done her B.E. and everyone had liked her. Now all that remained was for me to see her and give the final decision. Same went for her.

As soon as i came back to India, i had to take a trip to nagpur, as 2 cousins were getting married (not to each other!). So i was there for about a week. During that time, we took a trip to Wardha, a more of a on-the-spur-of-the-moment trip, than a properly planned one. We decided at 2pm that we'd go there, and around 4 we were in Wardha, at another relative's place. They were the mediators in this match. So, around 5, our whole party (me, my parents and the uncle) went to her place. We had the usual formalities, having tea, some snacks, sweets, etc... I saw her the first time when she came out with the snacks. Nice looking, i thought!

After the formalities, she came out to sit in the assembly. A bit of small talk. Then her father proposed that I have a talk with her in private if i want to. After a little dilly-dallying, both of us went upstairs and talked for 5 minutes. I don't remember the details exactly, but what i do remember was that there wasn't a lot of awkwardness. I still remember, the sun was setting, and the room faced west, so the evening sunlight was shining through the door. We came down, and then in a few minutes we (my parents and me) left. Came back to nagpur by 8 probably.

I was in nagpur for a few days after this. Till then neither me nor her had given the final decision. I wanted to talk to her a few more times, before i said yes! it was a big decision to take. I wanted to see how comfortable we are in talking to each other. I came back to bangalore, and then we talked to each other for a couple of times more. And then, i told my parents that i'm ready. I really liked her. Her parents also told us that Rupali is ready! Though there was still a small glitch on their side: her mom and brother hadn't met me yet. Her mom had gone to school that day (she's a teacher) and since the trip was sudden, she didn't make it home by the time we left.

All this happened in December. Me and Rupali got talking, and the awkwardness was slowly dissipating. Then everyone decided that we should have a "kaccha-pakka" ceremony soon, this ceremony is for a official confirmation on both sides, more like a booking ceremony! This was fixed for 5th of Jan 2007. Her brother had also come down from Benaras for this. This is when i first met him. I won't go into too much details about the ceremony, coz for 1, i don't remember much. and secondly what i remember is pretty mundane!

The engagement was fixed for 18th of February, and the marriage is set for 10th of May.

As for engagement, theres nothing different or special from other engagements. I had a lot of fun, but thats something i can't put down in words. The day was special for me. And it was special for Rupali too.

I'm not pitching for arranged marriage, neither am i against love marriages. Fact is I'm going through an arranged marriage, and i'm loving it! I'm having fun, discovering new things about her, finding out more intimate details. We are really and truly falling in love with each other. And its just over the phone as of yet. I have been with her, spent a long time with her on Valentine's day. But that kind of contact has been few and far between december and now! But we have talked a lot, and i mean a lot, over the phone. Its over the phone that we have discovered each other's likes, dislikes, favorites, pet-peeves, etc... And now we are totally frank with each other. Can tell each other secrets without worrying how the other might take it! Thats an essential part of being in love, of being in a relationship.

I think i'm falling in love! I'm usually a pragmatic fellow, but right now i want to be an idealist, and say that i will keep falling in love with her for the rest of my life.

For more images, check out the engagement album at My pictures.

22 Men fighting on the Field.

I'm back with an older blog again! Many apologies to those who wanted me to write something new, but in my defense, i still havn't found a good writer to rip!

I'm just trying to cash in on the current worldcup fever. I had originally written this blog in April 2004. This was the time of the first India-Pakistan series after they had stopped playing each other. So the emotions were running high in both countries. We did manage to win the series then. Ofcourse, Pakistan reversed the situation next year, when they toured India.

Anyway, without further ado, here is the blog. Your comments are awaited!


I've been told by many people that humor is my strong point. But still more people believe i should stay away from writing humor, or writing anything for that matter. They'd prefer that i was stuck in the Sahara desert with not a keyboard in sight, not even a mobile phone keyboard. That way i can't even SMS, and they can finally sleep peacefully, without worrying what horror i might wreck on them the next morning. But God so far has been kind to me, much to their consternation.

Boys usually have a very limited range of thoughts; sad, happy, angry, ecstatic, or nothing. 'Nothing' is usually our state most of the time. Theres one more state of emotion that we are put thru, and rite now 99.99% of the male population in India and Pakistan is going thru it. That is cricket emotions. Cricket provides us with all the adrenaline rush to last us till the next match, sometimes even more.

So what is cricket? 2 men in their night PJs trying to defend three upright sticks stuck in the ground from a red, round missile. And then there are 11 other men doing calisthenics that would shame a chinese gymnast. Espeically when the Mad Hatter at one end points towards the sky! Thats cricket to a layman. Presently there are no laymen in India and Pakistan. Ask any of the male species if he stands more than 1 feet tall, and he'll tell you that he's an expert and knows everything about the game. Doesn't matter if he pronounces it 'kirkeet'! He'll start with the wicket, wide ball, stumps, out, catch, LBW, and other arcane terms. He might as well be explaining Theory of Relativity, for the other person sure doesn't understand anything. Don't worry, neither does he!

We are affected, and how! I myself have danced an impromptu jig alone in my room whenever a wicket fell (the people downstairs weren't very amused though). The best way to watch a match, besides in the stadium is the college hostel common room. I was never a hostelite, but used to go over to the hostel during a match. There u can see all the boys display the complete range of emotions that they possess (except maybe the special one reserved for girls, and i'm not talking about love!). And if anyone whispers about changing the channel, even during an ad about a new style of head-dress for sahara desert, and he's a marked man! he will be shunned for the rest of his life, if he's lucky. If he's unlucky, there won't be much of his life left anyway.

The roar that greets every ball bowled by any indian bowler is great. The roar when a opposing team's wicket falls down is even greater, and thats saying a lot. We have stuck our fingers in our ears as far as they can go in, and howled on top of our lungs any time a wicket fell.

Nowadays our conversation is limited to gullies, silly point, mid on, mid off, leg breaks, byes, wides, etc... etc... etc... Nothing else is on our mind, not even Mallika Sherawat. But who can blame us. Cricket gives as much twists and plots and sub-plots as any of the Bollywood potboilers. It has action, drama, high emotions, romance (usually off the field!), tragedy, comedy (Inzamam running towards the crease with the bat in the wrong hand and getting run-out!).

Wifes and girlfriends say we don't pay attention to them when a match is going on. But we do. Now i'm sure i noticed my girlfriends new... Hey thats a catch. Great catch Dravid. Kya wicket liya.... I'm sorry like i was saying, i do notice a lot of things besides the match... Oh no, a no-ball! C'mon Agarkar, they don't need the extra runs!!!.... sorry again; what was i saying??? Oh what the heck, i won't pretend any more. I don't notice anything, not even that the my lunch is burnt to a cinder and i might be starving for the next 6 hours! Advice to all the ladies, if you want us to pay attention to you, wear a T-shirt that shows Tendulkar hitting a Six, or Pathan rejoicing after a wicket. No don't come naked, that won't catch our attention! And please try it between the overs.

To many people Life is a Game, to us Cricket is Life! Period.